Sunday, December 19, 2010

The "Normal" Me & The "Perfect" You

Couldn't sleep right because I cried a lot last night.

Thinking what went wrong I thought we were bonded together so strong.

You told me not to have thoughts like that, but I try to fight them, but they have already taken over me and I was left here to die by every moment you are not awake to stare into my eyes... I was dying I've bled out, before I lived in peace with your every word but now what happened? Why can I see the difference between you and me...

You might say: "Nothing changed, don't be so dump Aziz" but believe me I am same old "Me" but a brand new "You"... I thought you'd always want me, A while ago, I thought that too, but your aiming for perfection, growing up, your mind got sick of me, brand new "You" Same old "Me"

If you are not changed, I will not feel empty and alone, the old "You" would sit beside me and fill my loneliness, the "Perfect" you left me behind on my own. Now it hurts so bad, I tried to let go, to forget, to get over it and to believe you didn't change but it seems my heart won't let go. I remember the old "You"; if I cried so many tears, you would gently remove my tears and if you failed you would cry with me but the "Perfect" you is only here seems to make me feel like more tears will fall...

Same old heart of mine crying out for you I just don't know what to do... I am missing the "Normal" you I always knew, the "You" that I created in my imaginations... How could it come so far, the old "You" was always like my tower of strength and my star. While the "Perfect" you giving me the words of care but not feelings of care... The old "You" would tell me that: "I will always be there" giving me all I need to believe what you say, the "Perfect" you give me a gentle smile like always yet it is giving me thoughts that I am just in your way.

I am so confused and lonely I feel not knowing what is real.... My head only ever thought of everything you put me through, the "Normal" you said she loved me once, remember? I don't want a brand New "You" I want same old "You". I know your sick hearing that....

I trusted your words so much, I thought we would stay in touch. Being best friends forever; being there for one another. I still believe so but I don't know what to do more, nothing more to say the pain is still here and it wont go away. Your "Perfect " you is breaking my heart, she left me here in agony and fear.

Why do you have to be "Worried about Hurting Me" The Normal "You" would only make me "Miss You" & "I need You" but the new You ripping my soul, tearing it apart... Why do you have to leave the "Old" you, unconditionally your tearing the heart right off my sleeve. I guess I wasn't good enough… I guess you wanted a more "Perfect-like" being.

I hope you find what you are looking for, I hope you find it, I really hope you do since I gave up on being what you want me to be... Maybe I could get over you but since there is nothing left to do and nothing left to say and because the pain is still here…

I think I will just go back to my bed enduring all the pain shouting and screaming but only I can hear, I scream your name, asking for your help, but your not there... You are too much… too much to handle, but you know I still love you and I will never lose my faith in you and still wait for the "Old" you...

Into the darkness, the pain bearing down on me, the endless tears, our great bond of love slowly dying, I can't breath. Even though that time has come and passed, yet you live and stay as a permanent resident in my mind, causing such destruction to my heart, destroying every hope of having peace of mind I thought I would have....

Something has been different in the way I live ever since I met you, You completely took my ability from ever feeling normal again. Letting you go only has the definition of Nightmare...

I am not going to blame, complain, suffer, ask you stay with me and save me or how much I need you for only the "Old" you would realize what I am going through and only the real "You" will know that... I am not going to lie but it bothers me so much, crushed and weak for not having the strength to let you go after knowing that you moved on. My "Old" me is still here, fading away slowly, perfection is gone... Hoping everything will be okay.

I admit, its hard, but holding on to the "Old"-you-image wont get me too far since you are aiming for "Perfection" you are going far, leaving me behind among the "Non-perfect" beings forgotten and out of your mind.... One thing I want to say, One simple thing, the "Old" you was my special friend I never wanted to part.

We humans are not meant to be perfect, I will wait for the moment when you will realize that, the moment when you decide to keep me by your side again, and if you realized and came back to me, I will hide all the suffering in a smile and will summarize everything saying "Welcome Back"....

"The "Normal"& The"Perfect" " Is Copyright To AbdulAziz Mohammed 2009


5 comments:

  1. Only god knows how I loved this word as usual nice like that pic I stole it :P

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  2. You know if there were no expression such as "She" or "He" I would say that you were talking about me, my life. I cried a lot last night too. The pain gripped my heart. I was simple because I believed there were always someone would be my second part to achieve the perfection. But unfortunately he wants to be perfect and I felt tired to run behind him so I can hold his hand. Therefore, I prefer to stay simple and I'll wait him and as you said when he back I will say "welcome back"

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  3. Silent:
    Thanks am so glad you liked it, the pic is urs ^_~

    Anonymous:
    I don't know what exactly happened in ur life but for sure I feel sorry for you. May god bring happiness to you.

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  4. People having and will continuo having different stories everyday and judge them on the nights before the eyes get it's relaxation.

    whenever you feel the sadness is walking on your room's walls, just till your mind that @everything will get better and life goes on till the last minutes@.

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  5. Welcome to the live! I felt the same as you when I was 19 years old, I loose 5kg only for cried... And was impossible didn't thought in him for many years. But I found the truth into myself many years later... With him I lived everything but never he touched me, he kissed me... I didn't need nothing of this but I could feel everything with him, I idealized... Was my first and pure love. Many years later I sew again, I was other woman and he was the same person. And when I could sew his eyes I couldn't feel nothing for him... Was as love but never real... I lived everything but no was the true... Were my desires... Welcome to the cruel truth!

    Loli

    ReplyDelete