Greetings reader, today as usual I was going through the questions I receive from the “ask.fm” website a lady wrote her story which I am going to quote and asked few questions. I wanted to share my answer in my blog, so that anyone who went through the same or similar situations may learn. I have collected all parts of the scattered questions for easier understanding. The lady said:
“I have sinned, I got pregnant and had an abortion being unmarried. I hope God, my parents and my baby find it in them to forgive me. I am a Non-Muslim and the guy was a Muslim, I would never have wanted to kill my baby that had a heart beating inside of me. Let’s say being in the emirates, the guy not taking responsibility for his actions left me with no say but to go with what my parents decided for me. I let the guy know what we had done was “Haram” and that we should learn from it but nothing has changed him. He still sleeps around and prays in spite. How does he face God knowing he did nothing to correct his mistake, this kills me. Everyday I cry so much cause I can’t take everything I put myself, my family and my baby through. How do I ask God for forgiveness when I can’t even face myself in the mirror. I am broken Abdulaziz. I just don’t know how to get myself together. I am only 18, this is not how I planned life to be. Another question do you think I should even keep the guy in my life after how he backed out on me and now acts like nothing ever happened?”
I am really confused, are you a Muslim or Non-Muslim? If you are Non-Muslim and thinking about Halal and Haram, that’s something I never heard of. It seems your heart is not dead yet and it could be a sign that one day you will be a Muslim, younger sister to me in Islam, for only the hearts that’s alive would feel guilty after committing sins, the heart of those who don’t have faith no matter how many sins they commit It means nothing to them. One of the great companions of the Prophet Mohammed (Peace and prayers be upon him) said: “A believer sees his sins as if he were sitting under a mountain which he is afraid may fall on him, whereas the wicked person considers his sins as flies passing over his nose and he just drives them away like this (and he moved his hand over his nose in illustration)”.
Before I start answering your question, I would like to clarify that what you did consists of many sins, but I want to focus on the “Zina”. Zina is one of the major sins in Islam, the meaning of Zina is “Unlawful sexual intercourse, i.e. intercourse between a man and a woman who are not married to one another”. Allah said in the Holy Quran: “Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).” (Translation of the verse 32, chapter 17) why do you think God said an evil, opening the road to other evils? My limited answer is a lady may get pregnant without getting married, an innocent baby may be killed without doing anything that deserves death. If they didn’t kill the baby, the child may born but the woman marry another man, the child doesn’t know who is his father, a child may be insulted by all those around him, isn't that sad! Ladies are being treated as animals and machines, men use them after they get satisfied they throw them as if they were garbage, isn’t that sad!? What I mentioned are few reasons why it’s a major sin, there are countless other reasons why God warned us to commit this sin.
Those who thinks that there is no issue with Zina they don’t have a loving heart, they are selfish, they only think to satisfy themselves even if it means causing suffering for other innocent beings. If they told you that your sin is nothing major, they are lying to you. If they are saying it’s ok since people are sinning day and night. Remember, one shouldn’t sin just because everyone around you committing sins, One shouldn’t act like a pig if he was surrounded by pigs. I am not a liar and I don’t like lies, so I wouldn’t lie to you just to make you feel good by saying your sin is a simple sin, No, you committed a great sin, it’s up to God to either forgive you or punish you, if that’s the case you need a great repentance. As for the guy who caused this, I would like to say if he is not willing to marry you, leave him. You don’t need to commit the sin again, again and again. Plus a real Muslim wouldn’t do Zina without marrying, you either talk to someone who can talk to him and may he be guided and Marry you otherwise leave him.
The reason you are broken because you committed a great sin, a great mistake that anyone would feel guilty if committed if they have heart, I think you have a living heart and most likely the living hearts God guides them so don’t despair. Now the question would God forgive you, well this depends on the sincerity of your repentance, by repentance I mean the act of leaving what God has prohibited and returning to what he has commanded. It’s true that you committed one of the biggest sins in sight of Allah but never lose hope and remember one of God’s Name is the “The Forgiving”. God Said in the Quran: “Say: 'O My slaves who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” Also remember that hope in the Mercy of Allah should be accompanied by regret and remorse of the heart upon the sins committed, sincerity, hastening in repentance and avoiding sins as is clearly manifest. As for every pain there is a medicine, there is a medicine for those who sinned and are having pain in their heart, the two great medicine I am talking about is a Sincere repentance. “Repentance” could be defined as a feeling of being ashamed, sorry, and regretful for past sins. Someone who is indeed ashamed by heart for his past sins may truly be called as a repentant. Prophet Mohammed (Peace and Prayers be upon him) said: "Feeling ashamed and being sorry (for past deeds) is repentance” In fact we Muslims should repent, since we are all sinners, we believe in God, the great messengers of Allah, we believe in the Judgment day, Hell & Heaven…etc there is nothing more essential than repentance for someone who believes in the things I mentioned.
Unlike other religions, we Muslims don’t view any human as being infallible; we believe that infallibility belongs to God alone. Therefore we believe that the only source for forgiveness for a human is God. Which means you don’t have to go to priest and confess, or ask him for forgiveness, you don’t need to buy tickets of forgiveness and such things, all you have to do is repent to God. If you really repent, God may love you for that, change all your sins to Good Deeds for a repentance is a good deed, in Islam the good deeds removes the bad deeds. Allah said in the Quran: “Surely Allah loves those who turn unto him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves”. Prophet Mohammed (Peace and prayers be upon him) said: “Allah is more delighted with the repentance of His servant than one of you would be, who suddenly finds his camel laden with supplies after losing it in a barren land". We Muslims believe what the Prophet Mohammed (Peace and prayers be upon him) said: "One who repents from sin is like one without sin."
It’s true we may repent daily hundreds of times but for a repentance to be accepted at least you need to be sincere, you should give up the sin otherwise it means you were not devoted in repenting. Imagine a man killed your sister, then he asked for forgiveness, then he kills another, then he asked for forgiveness, can you forgive him? Do you think such person deserves forgiveness? Similarly you should give up sin. You should regret having done it because only if you regret it means you know you did something wrong that you may deserve a punishment for it, regretting a sin doesn’t mean losing hope or being negative, it supports you to not commit this sin again and it purifies the heart. You should resolve never to go back to it as well. If the mentioned conditions are met by you, I really hope that your repentance will be accepted by God.
I know what happened may not be planned by you, but don’t worry, if you really have faith in God have faith that what happened may leads you to a new life, a new beginning, a new chapter in your book. This may happened so you ask a Muslim, to be guided by God and become a Muslim. We never know what’s planned for us. Personally, If you are not Muslim, looking for a peace of heart and mind, I invite you to submit your soul to God and become a Muslim? A Muslim means someone who submits his soul to God. After reading all the things Allah said in the Quran, all the sayings of Prophet Mohammed (Peace and prayers be upon him) one can’t think of anything but the greatness of Islam, the messenger and Almighty God. Even if you can’t see yourself in the mirror God can see you wherever you are and he knows what you are going through. Allah’s mercy is infinite, it’s not limited, he is more merciful to us than ourselves. God wants you to worship him alone, he don’t want you to associate with him any partners, not Jesus nor Mohammed, not priests, not the sun, moon and the stars.
It’s true I answered as above, please note that I am no Angel, I am not perfect human being who never committed a sin. I am a sinner like you, in fact my sins could be greater in the sight of Allah, for only Allah knows how much I sin and how great are my sins. I am not proud of my sins but I said that so you know that all Muslims commit sins, but some of them repent while others don’t care. Finally I will remind you a very beautiful information, Prophet Mohammed (Peace and Prayers be upon him) said what Allah said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me, and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.” May God forgive us and forgive you, May God guide you to the truth.